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Daily Chizuk #1639
Parnasa / Money
Shidduch Wisdom: What Hashem Truly Wants in a Match
What Does Hashem Want in Shidduchim
The chiddushim of Rav Aaron Leib Steinman on the topic of Shidduchim were recorded in the sefer Ke'ayal Ta'arog, compiled by his students. There, Rav Steinman is quoted as saying that in our times, when we are faced with decisions about Shidduchim, we often forget the most basic principle: Shiviti Hashem l'negdi tamid—I place Hashem before me always. The question should be, "What does Hashem want me to do in this situation?"
Too often, a person focuses on what they will gain from a match, rather than what Hashem's will might be for them. And this, Rav Steinman said, is one of the central challenges people face today in Shidduchim.
When people hear about a potential match, do they ask themselves, "What would Hashem want me to say?" Or do they worry, "What will others think?" Concerns arise: "Is the family on the same status level as mine?" "Do they have as much money?" "Have their other children married important people?"
Rav Steinman explained that when someone thinks, "How can I say yes—what will others think if they see us together?" That is a sign of too much ga'ava—pride. And that, he taught, is part of what it means when Chazal say that Shidduchim are as difficult as Kriyat Yam Suf, the splitting of the sea. A person's middot can block them from finding their intended match.
What other people say does not matter. Last names do not matter. The only thing that truly matters is: What does Hashem want us to do!
The chiddushim of Rav Aaron Leib Steinman on the topic of Shidduchim were recorded in the sefer Ke'ayal Ta'arog, compiled by his students. There, Rav Steinman is quoted as saying that in our times, when we are faced with decisions about Shidduchim, we often forget the most basic principle: Shiviti Hashem l'negdi tamid—I place Hashem before me always. The question should be, "What does Hashem want me to do in this situation?"
Too often, a person focuses on what they will gain from a match, rather than what Hashem's will might be for them. And this, Rav Steinman said, is one of the central challenges people face today in Shidduchim.
When people hear about a potential match, do they ask themselves, "What would Hashem want me to say?" Or do they worry, "What will others think?" Concerns arise: "Is the family on the same status level as mine?" "Do they have as much money?" "Have their other children married important people?"
Rav Steinman explained that when someone thinks, "How can I say yes—what will others think if they see us together?" That is a sign of too much ga'ava—pride. And that, he taught, is part of what it means when Chazal say that Shidduchim are as difficult as Kriyat Yam Suf, the splitting of the sea. A person's middot can block them from finding their intended match.
What other people say does not matter. Last names do not matter. The only thing that truly matters is: What does Hashem want us to do!
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